A New Way of Thinking

Let’s look at a new way of thinking, more specifically a new way of thinking about our thoughts. Our minds are constantly talk

ing to us, providing us with information about ourselves and the world we live it. Naturally, we want trust that what our mind tells us is right, and what’s more that it is always helping us to choose what’s best for us. If this is the case it would be foolish not to listen to it and act on its advice, right? But what about the thoughts that don’t seem that helpful or are the ones that are just plain mean?

“I love that outfit, but I don’t have the body for it”

“That person is from a rough area, they’re most likely dangerous. I’ll avoid them”

“They’re way too good looking for me. I’ll only make a fool of myself if I ask them out”

“Everyone is just saying they like my cooking to be nice”

We get so caught up in these thoughts, and even though we know they’re unhelpful we still don’t know what to do with them. There is an awareness they aren’t making us happy, and yet we still believe, in some way, that they are true. It’s the classic take away scenario. Eating pizza makes me happy. There is a little voice in my head saying “that’ll make you fat”. So how do I reconcile that little voice in my head with the joy I feel when I’m staring at the large pizza I fully intend to devour all by myself? Well, up until now you’ve had two options 1) try to ignore it and 2) try to argue with it. Let’s take a look at both options.

Picture this: you’re on your phone. You’ve been craving pizza all week and you’re just about to get your order in. Suddenly, the group chat is buzzing! Messages are flying, constant notifications demanding your attention. Everyone is trying to organise that long awaited get together. Dates, times, venues are flying all over the place! Mark can’t do Saturday, but he can do Friday. It’s Sarah’s Mam’s birthday on the 13th so she has to keep that free. Dave’s diary is quiet so he can do any night that month. That new bar in town is nice. Jane heard that new place is really expensive. Is this a dinner thing, or a drinks thing, or a proper night out? There are so many messages you feel you should address, but you want to finish your order. There are multiple ways you can deal with this situation.

Scenario 1: Every time you get a notification you try to get rid of it ASAP! Swipe it away. Ignore it. Remove it. You don’t want to have to deal with all of these messages right now. They aren’t going to help you in your goal of ordering pizza. New message-swipe away-open the menu-new message-swipe it away-read one toppings option–new message – swipe away- and so on... Consider how useful this technique is in getting rid of the unwanted messages.

How useful is it to try and ignore the messages?

Has this made it easier or harder to concentrate on your order?

Did ignoring the messages make them stop?

How did trying to ignore them make you feel?

Scenario 2: Again you’re starving and desperate for your end of week treat. Those messages are still flying in. A date is still to be decided. People are looking for your input. This time you decide to respond each and every message as it comes in in the hopes you can quell the endless stream of questions. Open the menu-respond-read the ingredients list-respond-change toppings- respond-and so it goes. Consider the implications of this new method of responding.

How useful is it to try and respond to every messages?

Has this made it easier or harder to concentrate on your order?

Did responding to the messages make them stop?

How did trying to ignore them make you feel?

Scenario 3: Right, this time is the one. You’re starving and no weekend plans are getting between you and doughy deliciousness. This time instead of trying to actively get rid of the messages, or respond to them, you just leave them be. Each time a message comes in it pops up on the top of your screen. Maybe you cast your eye over it, maybe you happen to notice what it says, but you don’t interact with them. Each message minimises to the top of your screen, not gone but no longer in your way. No longer commanding your attention. You can continue to order your food. Consider how this method differed from the last.

How useful is it to just let the messages be?

Has this made it easier or harder to concentrate on your order?

Did it make the messages stop?

How did you feel just letting them come and go?

Now imagine these messages are our thoughts. We can try to ignore our thoughts or focus on each one and attempt to argue it away, but this can take time, effort and a large amount of our attention making it very difficult to focus on other tasks at the same time. What if, instead, we made room for our thoughts to pass through our mind. If we saw our thoughts merely as suggestions or ideas. We can accept an idea, or we can reject it depending on how useful to us it is. Suddenly “I love that outfit, but I don’t have the body for it” isn’t a fact, it’s a suggestion our mind has offered us. We can thank our mind for the suggestion, but still choose to buy the clothes anyway because they will make us happy. Will this stop the unhelpful negative thoughts? No. But it will allow us to take the power away from these thoughts and give us more autonomy on our own actions.